Maria, Maria
by arkmj
Summary: Alice and Jasper have been dating for almost 5 years and are deeply in love. Only problem is some one from Jasper's past seems to stand in between them and their relationship.
1. Obituary

Maria, Maria

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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of Stephanie Meyer's characters.

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_'Maria Ezmeralda St. Charles died peacefully after a long illness,_

_Wednesday, January 5__th__ surrounded by close friends and family._

_Maria was the youngest daughter of Dr. Bernard _

_and Mrs. Esperanza Morales-St. Charles, and was born and _

_raised here in Little Rock._

_After graduating from Wilber D Mills High School , _

_Maria moved to attend New York University,_

_where she majored in Psychology and Sociology._

_She was survived by her family, both parents and her two older_

_ sisters and by her nieces and nephews; Mrs. Angelique St. Charles-Roster,_

_her husband Dr. Michael Roster and their three children, Alexander,_

_ Michelle, and Danielle; Ms. Dana St. Charles and her fiancé Aaron McCallister._

_Memorial services will be held Sunday January 9__th__ at 5 pm until 9pm at _

_Little Rock Funeral Home. Funeral services will be held at 9 am at First Lutheran.'_

She re-read the article a million times. Each time she tried to see if there was a little more information in the old article, but every time it was just the same. What was she trying to find? The vague obituary said nothing but what her family had wanted released. Laying the xeroxed copy down on her table, she rested her chin on her hand and stared out to the city below her apartment window. Closing her eyes she thought about him, them together and smiled. She was so in love with him and had been since that day when she had ran into him at that little cafe 5 years ago. Sighing she turned her attention back to the piece of paper that was on top of the manila folder filled with more information that could clue her in on Maria, but she had to find the courage to open and read. Why was that? She knew why, deep down. She wanted 'him' to tell her, but he refused every time she inquired about the infamous and equally mysterious Maria. What little she did know was from their friends who had known during the 'Maria War', as Emmett dubbed the time period, but even their information was limited. He had barely had anything to do with them, and when everything with Maria ended he would never speak of what went on during those years, yes years, he spent away from them while with Maria.

Thinking 'her' name constantly made her feel a flair of jealousy rear up inside her. The girl who still, from the grave, held onto the one and only Jasper Witlock who held her heart for over 5 years, but never returned the favor...entirely. Sure he doted on her and treated her like a true southern gentlemen would, but there was always that slight withdrawn when it came to sharing everything of the past. Jasper always rather talk about the now, or ancient history. The only time he talked about his history was his child-hood up to his time to college, when 'Maria War' began. He'd skip those years and move on to the time leading up to meeting her. But that was all, even after 5 years of being together.

Sighing again, Alice ran her fingers through her hair in frustration while staring at the folder. "No," she declared pushing the folder away from her, "if he won't tell me then I guess I won't know." With that she stood up and gathered the xerox copy of Maria's obituary and the folder, only to pick up the wrong end and have all the information from the folder spill out onto her tiny wooden table. "Shit," she cursed herself as she started to re-stack the papers, making a point to not scan the words or pictures on the pages. She was almost done when her door opened. Looking up she was greeted with Jasper still dressed in his work clothes, staring at her and the items in her hands.

"Alice?" His normally soft and warm eyes, to her anyways, turned clouded and unclear. "What are you doing with all that?" Shit, again.

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_A.N. - Please review and tell me what you think!_


	2. New York

Maria, Maria

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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of Stephanie Meyer's characters.

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"So Alice I've got a surprise for you!" Rosalie said excitedly as the two of them along with all their close friends sat together. Alice turned her attention away from Jasper, who she was currently having a little whispering conversation with, and looked at the bouncing blond with question. "I was at the office in New York last week and found out something you'd love to know."

"What?" The suspense was killing her.

"Our top fashion consultant suddenly up and quite!" Rosile exclaimed, Alice's eyes grew wide and everyone else looked in confusion. "And because of this, Rhonda wants you to fill the spot immediately, starting at what Samantha was being paid!" Alice stopped breathing, this was huge.

"Ar-are you serious?" Alice asked when she regained functions. Rosile nodded enthusiastically. Alice was being offered a top fashion job, in New York at one of the biggest – no correction – THE biggest fashion magazine right before Fashion Season began. Letting out a squeal she launched herself at Rosalie and hugged her tightly, who laughed.

"Uh...someone was speak in laments terms to us little people who don't live in the land of fashion?" Bella spoke up from her spot next to her husband Edward.

"Alice is getting a new job, bigger pay raise at my job!" Rosalie explained when Alice pulled away to pounce Jasper in her excitement. He just laughed a little and hugged his girlfriend while returning her furious kiss. That was when everyone broke out in congratulations and cheers. "So I was thinking in a couple weeks we could fly out to New York, find you an apartment near the office and get you introduced to everyone," Rosalie continued after everyone had settled down.

"What?" Alice asked confused, "an apartment? For what?"

"For you to live in, of course. You do need a place to stay at when living in the city." Suddenly the joyous moment came crashing down.

"Rosalie...I can't move to New York," Alice said swallowing hard, when seeing the smile on her best friend's face fall. "Everything for me is here, I....I can't just leave here." Looking down at her lap Alice felt like crying, the chance of the life time was now not possible. She couldn't just leave San Fransisco and Jasper to go to New York. Plus all her friends were here, what would she do without Bella and Edward or Emmett? Sure she'd see Rosalie when she was in the city to work, but even that would be short lived. Rosalie commuted to New York for a few days each month, never longer than 3 days.

"Oh," Rosalie said, "well just think about it. Rhonda doesn't need the spot filled for another month, max." When Alice shook her head, "just think about it, please? Just think about it." Alice nodded and turned to Jasper who was watching her with a look she wasn't sure what it meant. Lacing her fingers with his she smiled a small smile and kissed him on the cheek. The group of friends sat and finished their lunch before separating go back to their jobs.

* * *

It wasn't until that night that Alice and Jasper finally got a chance to talk about Rosalie's job offer. Sitting in Jasper's apartment eating some Chinese take-out. "Jazz?"

"Hmm," he responded while stuffing a piece of chicken in mouth with some cheaply made chopsticks.

"What do you think about the job in New York?" She asked scooping out some more Lo Mein.

"I think it's something you've always wanted," Jasper responded once he swallowed his food.

"Yeah, but what do you think about it?" Jasper looked her and smiled.

"I think you should seriously think about it like Rosalie asked you to. It's something you've always wanted and have worked hard for." Alice smiled before kissing him quickly and stealing his next piece of chicken. "Evil little Pixie," he grumbled trying to look mad at her, which caused her to laugh.

"Would you come visit me if I took the job at the magazine?" Alice asked still smiling.

"In New York?" He asked pausing in moving food to his mouth.

"Yes, in New York where I would be at the job at the magazine, if I took it."

"I don't know," he muttered looking away from her, suddenly withdrawing away, physically and emotionally. "I haven't been there since..."

"Maria." Alice finished tossing her chopsticks on the table and standing up. Once again Maria was coming between them.

"Alice," Jasper started but stopped when she turned to face him.

"Why won't you tell me what happened with Maria? You've told me everything else about your life before and after but not during. Why?"

"Because it's not something I'm proud of, I thought we talked about this."

"No I've questioned you about it and you change the subject or give me the same sentence that you just gave me. 'It's something you aren't proud of.'" Frustration started to course through Alice as she walked into the kitchen to just walk or move.

"Why is it so important to you? You didn't know Maria and has nothing to do with us?" Jasper questioned following her into the kitchen, trying to keep from this becoming a big fight. They hardly ever fought or even disagreed on something, except when it came to sharing his past with her. More importantly his past that included Maria St. Charles.

"Because!" Alice exclaimed turning to face him, "because you say that she has nothing to do with us but she does! She is still with you and stands in between you and I. I've told you everything about my past; all the good, the bad and ugly! I even told you about the asylum, something I haven't told anyone! But you won't do the same, you won't tell me anything about your life at college because that's when you were with Maria." Alice ran her left hand through her short hair in frustration before crossing her arms over her chest in a defense mechanism, something Jasper recognized and hated. "We've been together for almost five years, Jazz. Five wonderful years that I wouldn't take back for the world because I love you and everything about you, and because of that I have given you everything there is of me. Everything. But sometimes I can't but feel I get shortened on that deal," when Jasper made to talk she held up her hand in silence, "it's true. It's true because there is a large part of you that is still reserved for Maria and Maria only. And because of that she does have something to do with us." Swallowing back any more words or a sob, which she was sure, Alice pushed off the counter she has leaned against and walked towards the door, past Jasper. "I'm gonna go home," she mumbled grabbing her purse.

"Alice," Jasper stared stopping her from opening the door. "I don't want to fight or you leave in a fight. Stay." Alice felt her heart sore and fly at his voice, like it always did when he talked or was near her. So badly did she want to but she knew it would be another glaze over the subject. Like they had done many times before.

"I'd love to Jazz, but I don't think I should. I have an early meeting in the morning, and you have a lot of grading to do with plans to draw up. I'll see you later," standing on her toes in her heals, Alice was barely able to reach his lips to give him a chaste kiss. When he leaned down to deepen the kiss, she pulled away and opened the door and left.

* * *

When the door closed Jasper felt his heart constrict, he hated fighting or hiding anything from Alice. But what he hated most was knowing that he was hurting her because of he himself and his past. Sighing he went back to his couch where their abandoned Chinese sat opened and cooling quickly. They had barely eaten anything, and he wasn't about to eat anymore. He had lost his appetite. Rubbing his face with both hands his eyes caught the light reflecting off of some of his many scars on his bare arms. Scars that he hated, and reminded him of everything he wanted to forget. Scars that had everything to with Maria. Another thing that Alice didn't know, she knew they were from fights he had gotten into in the past, but didn't know that Maria was tied into matter. He hated the damned scars that littered his entire body, he rarely let them show unless he was alone...or with Alice. Alice was the only person he was comfortable enough let seem them without being self-conscious.

Sighing he plopped down on the couch and leaned his elbows on his knees. What was worse about this entire situation was that he knew Alice was right, Maria was very much associated with him, which led her to be associated and in between him and Alice. He felt guilty for that, but still couldn't find it in himself to open that chapter of his life and share it with her. He knew why, too. He was a coward; he was scared to tell his Alice all the horrible things about his life with Maria. He was afraid Alice would realize what he knew, that he was no good for her and didn't deserve her or her love. Sure when he had said his insecurities out loud Alice immediately ripped into him for ever even thinking, much less speaking, them. _"I love you for you and everything that comes with you! Don't you dare EVER think that you don't deserve my love or me!"_ After that day he hadn't repeated the insecurities, partly because he believed her. But he still couldn't help but think it, especially when the subject of Maria was brought up.

Leaning back into the comfortable couch, Jasper thought back on the day he had met Alice. He had been visiting Philadelphia for a Civil War Conference, and one day decided to walk around the city. On spur of the moment he had walked into a little cafe to grab some coffee to warm him on the bitter day. The only occupant in the place, beside the waitress behind the counter was this little pixie who sat on a stole, feet barely touching the ground. His full attention had immediately been drawn to her.

_She was beautiful. That was all that kept running through his mind. When she turned to look at him she simply went, "You've kept me waiting."_

_Swallowing, he ducked his head and felt his southern roots rise to full power, "Sorry ma'am." _

After that strange introduction they sat and talked for hours. It had turned out that she was on her way to California, where he had just recently moved to. Before parting, she had promised to look him up when she got the chance. Sure enough not two weeks later did she waltz into his classroom at the school, he had just started teaching at, with coffee and big smile on her beautiful face. They once again spent time talking. Not long after that, he introduced her his twin sister Rosalie, both them hitting it off immediately, and his brother-in-law Emmett, who also immediately liked her and treated her like his little sister. After that Alice was introduced to his child hood friend Edward and his wife Bella, both taking an immediate liking to her as well.

It wasn't a month after Alice met those important to him that they started dating officially, after some reluctance on his part because of their age gap. She was barely 19 while he was 27 going on 28. But when she cornered him one night at his apartment and demanded to know why he was suddenly distant with her. When he had told her his reasons she just laughed, jumped on him and kissed him soundly on the mouth. After that she declared she didn't care and neither should he, and some how that was ok with him. He hadn't regretted his change of mind since then and had been the happiest he had been in a long time, no he was the happiest he had ever been.

"I just wish I wasn't such a coward." He muttered to himself.

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_A.N.- Please review and tell me what you think!_


	3. Talk

Maria, Maria

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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of Stephanie Meyer's characters.

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Few days after their fight, Alice and Jasper didn't speak word about it. They went about their usual schedules and their mutual schedule together. Though the fight and subject was constantly in the back of both of their minds, neither brought it up to each other of their friends. At least until Alice did one day while eating with just Rosalie and Bella about two weeks after the fight.

"I have something to ask, something personal." Alice suddenly declared, causing her two friends to look at her confused. "It's about Jasper..."

"If it's sex or something along those lines I'm leaving!" Rosalie put in before Alice could go any further. This caused Bella to laugh and Alice roll her eyes.

"You ask a question one time and it forever haunts you! I swear!" Alice grumbled, causing Bella to laugh even more and Rosalie shiver at the memory of Alice asking her about having sex with her brother, and then later had started spilling about her and Jasper's 'first time'. Rosalie had gone from pale to deathly pale and sick before jumping and declaring that the information was not allowed to be shared nor wanted due to the fact the guy she was talking about was her brother. "For you assurance, it's not about that!" Rosalie sighed in relief, "it's about Maria." Both Bella and Rosalie shared and look before looking at Alice.

"What?" Bella asked as if she wasn't sure she had heard right.

"Maria. I want to know about Maria." Alice declared, praying her two best friends would share something, even so small of fact, just something. When neither made a motion to speak she begged, "please? Jasper won't tell me anything and I feel like this is a 3 person relationship sometimes! Maria is this ugly cloud that hangs over us all the time and I'm tired of it!"

"Alice, we can't tell you anything," Bella finally said apologetically.

"What! Please just tell me something, anything! I just want to know who holds Jasper's heart!" She felt like crying.

"No Alice, Bella doesn't mean we won't tell you anything. She means we can't tell you anything because we really don't know anything." This caught Alice's attention, "Alice, while Jasper was with Maria, he didn't have a lot of contact with any of us. He with drew from all of us, and when Maria was out of the picture he never told us anything when we asked at first. So we never pushed to find out." Alice's shoulders visibly sagged in defeat once again. 2 for Maria – zip for Alice.

"So you guys know nothing?" Alice asked dejectedly.

"All I know is she's from Arkansas, was a year or two older than Jasper and they met in college. I never met her, saw her or talked to her." Rosalie offered lamely.

"Great she's southern too!" Alice cried sinking in her chair.

"You are too, Alice," Bella corrected.

"But still, she still owns Jasper in so many ways! He refuses to talk about her to even me! She's such a major part of his life, and has that hold over him! Now to top it off she's also southern!"

"Alice if you wanna know who she is, look her up." Bella suggested and some how regretted it when it seemed a light bulb went off in Alice's mind and she smiled at Bella with a smile that only meant one thing.

"Bella, will you do me a favor?" Shit. "You work at the library...you have access to a lot of research machine thingamajigs and are a researcher." Alice was now sitting in her chair leaning towards her dark haired friend, who refused to look at her.

"Alice!" Bella finally admonished, causing Rosalie to shake her head and Alice to look at her with pleading eyes. "I can't!"

"You can!" She corrected. "Please? Just something, something small and minuscule. Anything! Please?" Bella looked at Rosalie for help.

"Hey I'm in fashion, all I can look up is styles of generations and the addresses of the best boutiques. Private Eye work is your area!" Rosalie held up her perfectly manicured hands in a sign of defense.

"Damn," Bella muttered scowling, "fine. I'll see what I find. But when I'm done you owe me so big, you'll be paying it off for years!" Alice jumped up in glee and hugged Bella in a bone crushing hug. Bella just patted her shoulder lamely and kept her scowl in place. Somehow she had a feeling this was not going to turn out pretty or good in way shape or form. "And in that payment that also means no 'Pretty Barbie Bella' for a looooong time!" This caused both Alice and Rosalie to frown and glare, well Alice to frown while Rosalie frowned and glared at Alice for taking away one of her favorite past times.

"And for that you owe me too," Rosalie sniffed taking a drink of her wine. Alice smiled apologetically at the blond before continuing to eat.

* * *

"You are quiet," Jasper noticed as they laid in his bed few days after her lunch with the girls. Shifting her head to his shoulder from his chest Alice stared at his beautiful green eyes. "Something is on your mind, I can tell." His right hand was lightly stroking her arm while he brought his left to crease her cheek.

"Just thinking about the job offer, that's all." It wasn't a lie, in truth she had taken Rosalie and Jasper's advice seriously and been thinking about the pro's and cons of the job. But while she thought about it she also thought about Maria and what information Bella would end up finding for her.

"Still not sold on it yet?" He asked lightly watching her face carefully.

"I don't know. It's major, that's for sure." She commented shifting to turn her body more into his. "I'm just not sure if I wanna up root from California to New York." He caught the underling in her last sentence. She didn't know if she could move away from him to New York, knowing he was resistant to even mention the name of the city much less visit there. Seeing that the conversation could only lead to another fight, Alice snuggled her head to the crook of his neck, kissed his bare chest and closed her eyes. Willing sleep to come to her. Jasper had sensed what she saw and kissed her head and hugged her closer to his body before trying to sleep himself. Neither gained sleep as quickly as liked.

* * *

"Knock, knock," Rosalie announced entering Jasper's empty classroom. Looking up from his grade book he smiled a greeting to his sister.

"Hey," he smiled standing up to hug her. They had always been close, even though they were polar opposites in most ways. "What brings you here?"

"Just passing the time before Emmett gets done with work. Thought I'd stop by for a chat since I know you have nothing more important to do!" Rosalie joked while looking pointedly at the stacks of papers on his desk. Jasper laughed and shook his head.

"Anything for my favorite sister. Come'on lets get something to drink in the lounge," the siblings walked out of the room and down the hall to the teacher's lounge. Some passing by did double takes at the pare. Whether it was because of Rosalie's stunning looks or the fact Jasper was with another besides the bouncing pixie, he wasn't sure. But then again he didn't really care. If they couldn't tell they were twin they were hopeless. "So what really brought you here? You hated school while we were in it, why would you willingly come a school for a visit?"

"It's Alice," she began staring at her brother, "or more like it's Maria." She corrected. Jasper immediately stiffened at the name. "I'm not going to ask about her, I did once and you said never to ask you and I haven't. I still won't. But you know, and I know, that you not talking to Alice hurts her." Jasper looked away, "* sigh * Jasper I love you and love Alice, and I know you do too, but you need to do something about this Maria situation or you will loose her."

"What? Did Alice say something?" He was panicking.

"No! All she says is that she is madly in love with you!" She amended quickly, taking Jasper's hands into her own, "but this whole deal with Maria is hurting her, you and your relationship. Alice is completely and hopelessly devoted to you, but you keeping something from her will eventually drive her away. I don't want that to happen because you will revert back to that shell that you were before her. For the first time in years I finally got my brother back and I don't want what happened to happen again." Jasper watched the desperation show on his sister's face. He knew his induced separation had hurt her immensely, as did his distant nature when he re-connected with her years later. Another thing he hated, hurting his sister in any way. He would forever trying to make right what he did while he pulled away from her. "Just think and consider talking to Alice about it, or explaining why you don't talk about it! Just do something before you hurt the both of you. Please?" Looking at him straight in the eye Jasper could only agree to her pleas.

"I will, I promise." Sighing she hugged him tightly Rosalie felt as if maybe she had gained some ground for Alice's sake. "Now go before you start to have flashbacks of yester years!"

"Eek! You're right! I'll see you later," she hugged him one last time while laughing before exiting the lounge. Jasper smiled at her retreating form. He truly did love his sister and was glad to have her in his life again.

* * *

"So did you find anything?" Alice asked with restraint as she sat in Bella's office.

"Yeah, I did." Bella said slowly, which caused Alice's stomach to drop and make her begin to worry.

"Well?"

"Alice, Maria St. Charles is dead." Bella said slowly. When it registered in Alice's mind her eyes got big and her mouth formed an 'O'. "She died almost 6 years ago in Little Rock, Arkansas." Alice swallowed a lump she didn't know what there.

"Wow...so that's it?" Alice asked not sure what to think or feel.

"No," Bella pulled out a manila folder and placed in front of Alice. "This is all the information I found on her. Alice are you sure you want this?" Alice stared at the folder with apprehension and curiosity.

"Seriously? I don't know anymore. Thanks Bella," she said before standing up and taking the folder with her.

When she left Bella, Alice went straight to her apartment. She placed the folder on her table and then walked around aimlessly, avoiding it. Now that she had this information at her finger tips, she was scared to read it and kind of didn't want to know any of it. This was how she spent the rest of her day, trying to pathetically entertain her self. It wasn't until later, in the evening did she finally sit down in front of the dreaded folder.

* * *

After his talk with Rosalie, Jasper seriously thought about what she had said. All of it very true, even though part of him was resistant to acknowledge that rather large fact. After much brooding over the subject he decided to sleep on it for awhile before broaching the subject again with Alice. All he really wanted to do at this point was to forget Maria, go to Alice's apartment and eat some food, and just spend time with her.

So when he got done at the school he went straight to her apartment, figuring he most likely had some comfortable clothes at her place for him to change into. When he reached her building in record time he couldn't help but feel happiness to see her. Then again he always felt that when knowing he would soon see her. It had always been that way, and he knew it always would. Reaching her floor he didn't bother to knock, instead pulled out his copy of her key he just walked right in to be greeted seeing her standing over her table with papers all over it, and her trying to gather everything up. Looking closer he saw what was on the papers just as she looked up when he said, "Alice?" Guessing by her sudden change in facial expressions she realized what was running through his mind. "What is that?" He asked coldly, motioning to the still scattered papers on the table. When she didn't respond immediately he turned around and walked out, not bothering to close the door.

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_A.N.- Please review and tell me what you think!_


	4. It's Done

Maria, Maria

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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of Stephanie Meyer's characters.

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He heard her heels clicking on the tile of the hallways at a fast pace behind him. When he reached the elevator it gave her enough time to catch up. "Jasper, wait!"

"No!" He roared turning to face her, "you went against me and my decision. I'm done." With that he turned to the marked door 'Stairs' and left through it. Alice felt everything shatter around her and her heart break with every beat it did. Tears boiled over onto her cheeks and scorched her skin while sobs ripped at her body. She couldn't hear anything, or acknowledge anything. She didn't hear or feel her neighbor Esme find her in the hall and try to console her, or hear her tell her husband Carlisle to call somebody. No, it wasn't until Bella and Rosalie arrived did she become conscious of her surroundings. But even then nothing fully registered in her mind. All that did was that Jasper had left, left her.

* * *

"Are you sure you two don't need any help?" Esme offered as Bella and Rosalie gathered they defeated friend to take her back to her apartment.

"Yeah, we can take it from here. Thanks for calling us again," Bella thanked with a warm smile before exiting their apartment. When she and Rosalie got Alice to her apartment they saw the folder on the table and could easily put together what had occurred earlier. Hours later Alice finally related what had happened between her and Rosalie's brother, causing both of the women to hug Alice fiercely and try to console her.

* * *

Two weeks later, Alice stood in her bare apartment. Everything was removed and packed away snugly in the moving van down stairs. All that remained was a shell of her long time home, much like all that remained of her was a shell. After several attempts to talk to Jasper, to explain everything, she had finally resigned to the fact that they were in deed done. He ignored any attempts she made, making it loudly clear that he was done with her. She didn't bother to ask whether or not he had said anything to them, she had gone to them once and regretted it. So the only thing she had left to do was to start a new, in a new place, a new job in New York City. Taking one final look around the apartment, Alice walked out of her small living room, out of the kitchen and closed the door one last time.

Outside her building stood Emmett with Rosalie. Emmett had offered, or Rosalie had offered Emmett to drive her things out to New York for her, while Rosalie flew out with Alice to get her situated with the magazine. Then when things were done there, he and Rosalie would fly back together. Alice had just nodded and let Rosalie take charge of getting preparations together, all the while trying to make Alice smile just once. But the closest thing she got was a empty, forced smile that showed nothing. "I'll meet you at the airport, I have one more errand to run before I go." Alice stated to Rosalie as she got ready to climb into her sporty car. "It won't be more than a few minutes, I'll make the plan and everything on time. I promise!" Seeing that it was in deed something Alice needed to do, what she didn't know, Rosalie relented and hugged her friend and left.

Minutes later Alice arrived at a familiar building with people bustling in and out it. Taking a deep breath she walked inside the old school and walked a familiar route to a familiar room, one last time. She knew that Jasper didn't have class this period and would be in his classroom, but it still didn't stop her wondering if he would avoid work to avoid her as well.

Her worries were put to rest when she saw him hunched over his desk writing furiously. Knocking lightly she heard a muffled mumble that resembled 'come in' and entered the room. The clicking of her heels made him look up and immediately show disdain for her appearance. "Hi," she greeted lamely. He didn't respond or move to greet her, "I-I just came to drop off my copy of your key."

"You could've just left it in my mail box," he said harshly.

"Yeah I know but I'm on my way to the airport, and that's the opposite way so I just made the pit stop." Alice walked forward and handed him the key, attempted to but had to in stead lay it on the old oak desk. "And I wanted to say good bye." With that she turned around to leave.

"Good bye?"

"Yeah, I uh...I took the job in New York." She said biting her lip, "I'm flying out this afternoon with Rosalie to get set up at the office." When he didn't say anything she took the hint, "I took your advice and seriously thought about it and you were right. It's something I've wanted, and I decided I should take full advantage of it now. No time like the present!" With that she turned back around to leave, "oh uh your copy...of my apartment key...just drop it off in the mail box. The new owners were be looking for it there. So when you have a spare moment..." Not being able to take being near him anymore, Alice finally left the room for good.

When she left Jasper felt his heart go with her, she was leaving. In more ways that one. Clenching his eyes closed he tried to regain control over his mind and body, but failed horribly. So many things were racing through his mind, memories, voices; everything. While his body felt like it was falling apart. Rosalie was right, he'd lose her because of Maria. And he did. Because of him and Maria.

* * *

Two months to the day. Alice has been in New York for exactly two months, and couldn't find her self to truly enjoy the magnificent city and all it had to offer. Nor could she truly put her heart and soul in her work. Sure she loved her job and the city but still. Rosalie and Bella both called her constantly to check up on her, one rather horrible weekend Bella even flew out with Rosalie to be with her. It was Jasper and hers 5 year anniversary and it hit her like a ton of bricks. The two had surprised her with lots of ice cream, movies, tissues and lots shoulder time. It had helped a little. The full bottle of wine helped the most - numbing.

Jasper sat pitifully in the booth at the bar with Emmett and Edward. "Alright I'm cutting you off," Emmett declared after his 10th Alabama Slammer and third Three Wise men. Jasper didn't say anything.

"Why are you doing this to your self?" Edward asked with his arms crossed over his chest. He was frankly tired of his best friend's self destruction of drunken impairment.

"I want to drink!"

"Bullshit! You want to make your self-conscious go numb," Emmett threw out handing him bottled water and removing the pitcher of beer from reaching distance. "Go after her!"

"No! She said good bye!"

"After you said you were done and refused to talk to her," Edward pointed out calmly, not at all fazed by Jasper's temper coming to the surface.

"She betrayed me!"

"Wrong again. She asked for the information but never actually looked at it. Just as she stated in her note on the said information which was left at your apartment. Alice doesn't lie, especially to you and you know it. So why again haven't you gone after her?" Emmett interjected. Jasper just glared at him with hatred. Emmett was right, after seeing Alice that last time, Jasper had gone home to find a manila envelope waiting for him with a note. The note stated that she was sorry to have gone against him and retrieved the information, and that she had not eve got past Maria's obituary. She had decided not to go any further when he had walked it. After reading the note and glancing in the folder - he promptly shredded every piece of paper...with his hands. "You wanna destroy yourself again, go ahead." Standing up Emmett continued, "then go ahead. But I won't let you hurt Rosalie again." With that he was gone. Jasper knew everything was true. And he hated it, just as much as he had hated all the shots he had taken out of spite.

"Come'on Jasper, you need to go detox before your first class tomorrow." Edward pulled the other man from the booth and helped into his Volvo and into his apartment when they got to it. Jasper just wondered to his couch and past out. Ever since Alice had left he hadn't slept in his bed. Just on his couch or the floor, but not the bed. It smelled like Alice and too many moments had been shared with Alice.

Few hours after Edward left, Jasper woke up saying her name. His dream had been scary, memories from Maria and Maria her self had started the dream and then disappeared when Alice appeared, but suddenly was gone and replaced by a smirking Maria. "Alice," he said softly staring at the ceiling. A lone tear slipped down his cheek as he said it. Slowly sitting up and trying not to puke on his makeshift bed, Jasper stumbled to his bed room to pick up his phone. "Hey," he said softly when she answered. "I'm sorry," he whispered feeling tears fall down his cheeks.

* * *

_A.N.- Please review and tell me what you think!_


	5. Here

Maria, Maria

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of Stephanie Meyer's characters.

* * *

Rosalie sat on the bench staring at Jasper, "so what are you going to do? Face the past and go or stay and wallow in it?" She asked cocking her head to the side watching as his emotions played off his face.

"I don't know." He answered truthfully. "Rose?"

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't you ever press me about Maria?"

"Why? Because I asked you once and you said that you didn't want to tell me and not ever ask you again. Truthfully I don't think I really even wanted to know." Jasper looked at her, "Jasper I didn't, and still don't, care about Maria or what happened with her. All I cared about was that I had my brother, who was also my best friend, back in my life for the first time in years. I also knew that you wouldn't have asked me not to ask if you didn't have a good reason."

"But you think I should tell Alice?"

"No, I thought you should." She corrected sadly.

"How is she?"

"Good. She likes the job and city." It was a vague answer.

"Happy?"

"I don't know. I don't see her often, so it's hard to say she's keeping face or genuine."

"Does she...does she ask about me?"

"Jasper she stopped asking about you when you stopped talking to her. She went to a friend once about you and it burned her good. She didn't want to make the same mistake twice."

"Did she tell you that?"

"No, I saw it in her eyes every time I saw her while she was still here."

"I failed her."

"What?"

"Maria."

"Jasp-"

"No, I need to tell you something. During those years with Maria I saw her going out of control and realized that I was becoming her in that sense as well. When I tried to change her, she lashed out and I left. I was offered an apprenticeship in Boston, and I took it. I left her without telling her." Clenching his hands together he focused his sight on a scar that peaked out from under his shirt sleeve. "Few months later I found out she was sick. I took her to Arkansas to her family and she went into a coma and died soon afterwards." Clenching his fists she stared at the ground, "I've always felt as if I failed her. She had been such a major part of my life, the first person I had loved...in some odd sense and for so long she was all I allowed myself to love. But when I took her back to her family, I realized I didn't know a thing about her. Just her habits and what she projected to everyone around her. When I called you I didn't know how to act or feel. I knew I had done you and everyone wrong by cutting all ties with you, and I felt ashamed for everything I did..."

"And then you met Alice," she finished.

"And then I met Alice," he repeated, "a ray of hope in the darkness. But the entire time I doubted myself and worthiness of her. When I told her once she quickly set me straight, but I still couldn't help but feel and think it. Even now."

"Jasper... you need to go to New York and face Maria and Alice both." He knew that, he knew that the moment he started telling Rosalie. But knowing and doing were two entirely different things. He was still a coward. "Go to that conference and go see her." With that Rosalie squeezed his shoulder and got up and went inside her building. She had done all that she could do, it was up to Jasper to figure out the rest. "I just hope you do it soon," she whispered to her self.

* * *

"Alice you have someone waiting for you in your office," Trudy the receptionist informed her as she walked into the fashionable building. Smiling her thanks, Alice continued her usual way to her office, but didn't get there immediately. First she stopped to talk to Sandra about the next layout line; whether they should have purple or green and the center color the of the shoot. It had taken longer than she planned so she went straight to her office.

"Rosalie!" She exclaimed seeing her best friend looking at some new designs. Hugging her friend she pulled her to her little couch to talk, "what are you doing here? Your not due for another few weeks! Is everything ok?"

"Yes, yes, relax! Emmett had to go out of town for a few days and didn't feel like staying in town. So I decided to fly out and catch up on some work here at the office, and steal you away for some shopping!" Alice smiled and began to ask about their friends back home, but never once asking about Jasper or even mentioning him. When she finished answering the barrage of questions, she paused and added something else. "There's another reason why I'm here."

"What?"

"Jasper is in town." Her body went rigid, hands with cold, and her throat closed up

"Oh?" She squeaked.

"Yeah, he has a conference to attend. I flew out with him," Rosalie said slowly. Suddenly she didn't think she had made the right decision giving Alice a heads up on her brother's location.

"Th-that's great. I hope its....I hope.... I hope he enjoys his stay," it was strained but said with a smile, a smile that was forced and held more genuine pain than happiness.

"Alice I-" Rosalie was cut off when a guy from the office barged in, exclaiming about everything a complete failure and the shoot would have to be re-scheduled and designed. With Rosalie there, Alice quickly came up with a solution and had the guy satisfied, about the shoot, and disappointed that Rosalie wore a very big ring on a very important finger.

"I swear Rosalie, you'll be old, fat, and five kids and guys will still hit on you!" Alice joked laughing. Rosalie just glared at her friend while pouting, "don't worry, Emmett would still worship the ground you walk or float on, and will always think of you as that 14 year old girl from down the street!" It was true. Emmett often told the story of when he fell in love with Rosalie, when she was 14, and continued to love her from afar until she was 16 before he finally asked her out. After that day the two had been inseparable while madly in love. When Alice had first met the two she had been jealous, she wanted that. At one time she thought she had had it, but turned out that James, her 'love' wasn't that loving. But then Jasper finally returned her feelings and she was set for almost five years.

"Alice are you going to be alright?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I'll be fine. Nothing a little fashion consulting and directing won't cure!" She said chipper...too much. "How bout we meet over lunch and then shop? I do need to put a few hours in this morning."

* * *

After some long hours, four, Alice met Rosalie for lunch and shopping. After many exhausting hours they separated to recoup for the next day. All the while 'Jasper's here' radiated through her mind in a mocking way. Would he come see her? Would he just go the conference and leave? Followed those questions was, 'He would come for a conference, but wouldn't come for me.' And that made her heart go cold and blood turn to ice. Letting one tear fall, she wiped it away and stood tall. "I'm not going to let him control me anymore," she declared to her empty apartment.

It was raining. Great, for two very opposite reasons. It matched his mood and was giving him an excuse to procrastinate. Neither were accepted by Rosalie. "Tough shit, brother dearest. You are going to go see her now!" Rosalie literally pushed him out of her New York apartment and tossed him his jacket and a newspaper.

"Am I suppose to read in the rain or serenade her with the 'New York Post'?" He questioned snidely.

"Use it to cover you head, deary. I don't have a hat for you. See you later!" She slammed the door in his face, causing a resounding 'bang' to echo in the bare hallway.

"Related to a loony," he grumbled pulling his jacket on.

"I heard that!" She yelled from the other side of the door.

"Good! Then you know the truth!" He yelled back before storming to the elevator. He was going to prolong his journey as much as possible. Because of the many stories in the building, the elevator took awhile; this little fact gave him a new way of procrastination.

"Take the stairs," Rosalie's voice came from behind him. There she stood in all defiance; arms crossed, hip cocked and eye brow raised. Their mother did that when they were younger, and Rosalie embodied her in every way at that moment. It scared him. Grumbling under his breath he walked to the stairs and started his trek down the few flights. Why couldn't Rosalie live at the top like she did with Emmett in San Fransisco?

* * *

It only took about 10 minutes for him to reach Alice's apartment building, not surprising really. He, out of habit, had taken a short cut that he had used many times when he and Maria lived together. They both had grown to know this city and all it's nook and crannies. Taking in a deep, cold wet breath, he pushed her buzzard and waited for answer. "Yes?" She's there, great...right? "Hello?"

"Uh...hey," wow if he was anymore lame he would be worse than Emmett when he was in the dog house. "It's me," still lame.

Silence.

"I uh... I was hoping we could talk?"

Still silence.

"Please Alice, I need to talk to you!"

More silence.

Failure. Once, again.

"Alice please talk to me," he begged into the speaker and not getting any response. Swallowing a sob Jasper let go of the buzzard and took a step back from the steps. He felt numb. It was the only way he could explain it. He didn't feel the freezing rain pelting his already cold and wet skin. He didn't feel the razor sharp wind fly against him. He was too late, he had waited too long and done too much damage. All because of himself.

* * *

When she heard his voice her ability to breath halted and her eyes stayed glued to the speaker, listening to his voice. Covering her mouth with her hand she hugged her self with her other. He was here, to see her. HE was here. To see HER. Why couldn't she do anything? She was frozen in her place, all the way up in her apartment. "Please Alice, I need to talk to you." His voice gave way to much emotion. "Alice please talk to me," his voice begged at her heart strings. He sounded so broken and lost as he said her name and asked for her to talk to him. He sounded like that lost man she met in that little cafe 5 years ago, the man who had disappeared not long after the day in his classroom, when she brought him coffee. Crying she remained in his place.

"Alice...I know I've hurt you, trust me I know. I never wanted that, I never wanted to hurt you. God, I love you so much!" His voice came back after moments of silence, "you were right! Maria was standing in between us, she was a part of our relationship. And I let her. I...couldn't let go of the past, I couldn't let go of her for all the wrong, lame reasons." Alice closed her eyes, "you once asked me if I'd visit you if decided to come to New York. I never answered you, really. I came to see you now, the conference solidified my decision. I know I'm a few months late, but I came!" He sounded like he was crying, "Alice please talk to me! I'll tell you everything, everything starting the day Maria became a part of my life all the way to the day she died. Maria's dead, she died 6 years ago." Hearing him tell her something caused a flood of emotions and thoughts burst through her body and mind. After a few pregnant pauses of silence he spoke again, much softer and barely a whisper. "Alice, please talk to me...* sigh * Alright, I take back what I said earlier," Alice felt pain shoot through her, he took everything back. "I'm not late, I'm too late. I'm...I'm sorry, I'm sorry I hurt you. I love you more than anything." Nothing else was said. There was no crackle of the buzzard being held down, or sound of his breath against the speaker. Nothing. He was gone.

* * *

_A.N.- Please review and tell me what you think!_


	6. Decent

Maria, Maria

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of Stephanie Meyer's characters.

* * *

Swallowing hard Jasper stepped away from the building once again, taking one last look before he would walk away. Just as he was about to turn a buzzard sounded off and the front door unlatched. Deciding not to give up, he grabbed the door and took off up the flights of stairs. One thing his sister has told him before throwing him out, her floor and apartment number. "May be loony, but gotta love her," he muttered as he reached Alice's floor. Ripping the door open he saw her standing in the middle of the hall way with her arms crossed over chest. She looked beautiful, while he probably looked like a drowned orphan from a bad movie.

Neither of them moved towards or away from each other. They remained in their places, contemplating the others next move.

Would they leave?

Would they talk?

Am I crazy?

Jasper finally moved from his spot by the stair exit door, slowly taking steps towards her small frame. When he was less than a foot away he paused and waited for her reaction. She wasn't looking at him at first, but when he stopped she shifted her eyes to his and stared at his soul. Swallowing a large rock, he wanted to pull her into his arms and hold there. She looked so tiny and fragile, lost. He didn't get a chance to do anything, except catch her, because she launched herself at him. Wrapping her arms around his wet neck and hugging him. He pulled her tightly to him and breathed in her scent that only Alice could have. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her ear as he leaned down to match her 4'10 height. "I'm so sorry," he repeated.

* * *

"So why now?" Alice finally asked. They were sitting on her living room floor, by her gas fireplace, in front of her couch cuddled up to each other. Or more like Alice's much smaller frame was curled up to his large frame, while his arms were wrapped around her in steel bands.

"Because I'd rather tell you everything than lose you." He whispered. Alice sat up and turned to look at him. She loved him and it showed in her eyes. "Do you still want to everything?"

"You don't have to..."

"No, I want to, but only if you want me to." Alice nodded, "after I graduated from high school I took time off and worked to save up money. I met Maria my freshman year of college. I was 21 and I was this nerd on scholarship and didn't know anything when it came to girls or have a girlfriend. I had very few friends and usually kept to myself. One night my room mate convinced me to go to this frat party on campus. The moment we got to the party he took off with some sorority girl and I was left in a sea of people I didn't know. I literally stood in a corner and sipped on a beer for an hour, just watching everyone else party. I was about to leave when suddenly this girl just showed up in front of me and said I was going to dance with her."

"Maria."

"Yeah, Maria. She was from one of the sororities helping host the party and was a well known party girl. She dragged me onto the dance area and started talking to me."

* * *

"_So what's your name handsome?" She asked seductively, or maybe it seemed that way because she drop dead gorgeous. She looked like she stood around 5'5 with a curvy, thin body. Her caramel skin, jet black hair tresses and brown sugar eyes seduced him.  
_

"_Jasper," he replied in a trance. She moved her body to the beat of the music and held his eyes with hers.  
_

"_Ah, a southern!" She said excitedly, her own accent becoming known. "Where ya from darlin'?"_

"_Texas, ma'am." He replied like a southern gentlemen. "Where are you from?"_

"_Arkansas, but I don't claim it too often. So keep it a secret," she said smiling pulling on hand, out of the dancing area. "Come'on lets go for a walk," he followed her, completely under her spell. "Tell me bout yur self," she started as they walked around campus, still holding hands._

"_Not much to say."_

"_Ah, I see...you're shy aren't ya?" Jasper felt himself starting to blush, "I like that in a guy, especially a southern. Gets me all gooey and warm inside," she ran her tongue over her pouty lips, Jasper's eyes following the motions. "What's your major?"_

"_History. Civil War."_

"_Mm, sexy. I'm a psychology major, second year. Your a freshman, I know that for a fact."_

"_How?"_

"_Because I know all the sexy guys on campus, you are new to me." They were just standing still now, her cocking her head to the side, exposing her pale neck. Something in Jasper made him want to lean down and kiss her neck, and he didn't know why. "I think I like ya, Jasper." She stated moving to where they were flush with each other "I think I wanna kiss ya too," she whispered moving to stand on her toes to reach his lips._

_It was explosive, and had Jasper's head reeling to catch up. The simple kiss turned heated and full on make out. When the heat began, Jasper wrapped his arms around her thin frame and she ran her fingers through his hair before taking hold of his neck. They would've kept going if someone hadn't cleared their throat. Pulling away they say a campus officer looking a little uncomfortable at the sight, "sorry, we botherin' ya?" She asked with innocent/evil laced through the simple sentence, making the man even more uncomfortable._

"_Just get a room, please!" He stressed before walking away rather quickly._

"_Come'on you heard him. Let's go," pulling on his hand she lead him a few buildings down before they reached a house. "It's my sorority house, no one's here." He followed her through the darkened house up a flight of stairs and into a small bed room that screamed college girl. Landing on her bed, she climbed on his lap and started where they left off. There was no more talking for the rest of the night._

_

* * *

  
_

_After that night at the party and sorority house, Maria and Jasper were often seen together. The hot southern sorority sister with nerd from somewhere. Many guys tried to turn her attention to 'better' possibilities, but she only had eyes for Jasper. A few months into their relationship, Maria introduced him a past time of hers. It was one late night in his dorm while he was trying to study for a major test and get a essay done. _

_Time had seemed to escape him and exhaustion has started to set in. rubbing his eyes tiredly he leaned against Maria as she wrapped her arms around him from behind. "What's the matter?"_

"_Tired," he yawned before pecking her on the lips. "I have a lot to do before tomorrow morning."_

"_Darn, I wanted to spend some 'time' together," she pouted as she moved to sit across his lap and turning to face him  
_

"_I know, but I have to study and finish this paper for tomorrow morning, and I'm exhausted as it is." He apologized. "Tomorrow, I'm all yours. Your willing slave!" He promised wrapping one arm loosely around her waist and kissing her shoulder.  
_

"_Well I guess I can wait that long, but no longer!" She instructed kissing him, "since you'll be my slave tomorrow I guess I can help you tonight."_

"_Do you know anything about this class?" _

"_No, but I do know how to help give you some energy so that you finish and stay my favorite nerd," she cooed smiling triumphantly. This caught his attention, "you wanna know my remedy?"_

"_Yes!" He was desperate. She smiled and shifted to grab her back pack from the floor. Pulling a little opaque bag out and opened it. Out of the bag came 2 little white pills. "What's that?"_

"_Energy boosters!" She held her hand to him._

"_Maria! These are drugs!"_

"_Shh, they are harmless. They are good to have every once and awhile." She explained, "I take them when I need the extra boost to get stuff done. Come'on your tired and can't afford to fall behind." That was true, he was on scholarship which meant he had to keep a certain grade point average to be able keep the scholarship. Without it he wouldn't be able to afford school. Sighing he picked up one pill and stared at, "come'on Jas," She coaxed while handing him a water bottle, filled with a Screw Driver. Giving in he popped the pill and took and long, hard swig from the bottle. Since meeting Maria he had acquired a taste for harder liquor._

_That night was just the beginning of Jasper slowly becoming apart of Maria's past times. It wasn't a slow decent, more like a steady beat into the abyss. Energy boosters here and there with hard alcohol to swig them down. Soon hard partying with drugs and alcohol took up all his time outside of class, he fell into habits, he pulled away from anyone or anything that didn't have association with Maria. A part of him, in the back of his mind, felt guilty, but she was everything in his world. Nothing and no one else existed or was important, and because of that he didn't go home to his family during Christmas break. He called them once, and it was to tell them he wasn't coming. That was one of the last times he talked to his sister for several years.  
_

_

* * *

_

_A.N.- Please review and tell me what you think!  
_


	7. Bloody Tears

Maria, Maria

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of Stephanie Meyer's characters.

* * *

_6 months after his first pill, Jasper and Maria had their first fight. Not the little petty ones many friends of theirs had, it was a blow out. She had wanted to party and celebrate the almost end of the year. He had several projects due, she claimed he was avoiding her and didn't love her anymore. While trying to placate her she became enraged._

"_FUCK YOU!" She screamed grabbing something near by and throwing it at him and full speed. What she had thrown was a large, glass lamp and shattered against the window behind Jasper, causing shards to cut into his bare back. Maria didn't come out of her rage until she saw blood drip on her carpet and bloody glass landed around her room. "Ohmygosh!" She whispered staring in shock at Jasper, who was just as shocked from both the pain and her actions. She fled the room, away from her actions and Jasper. Moments later a mutual friend of theirs came to ask a question and was greeted with a bloody, shocked Jasper. The friend happened to be a med student at the college, and cleaned up Jasper's back. Neither of the two said anything about the shards of glass, all the friend did was tell Jasper what to do as they treated him.  
_

_Hours later Maria made her way back to campus, this time going to Jasper's room. There she found him laying on his stomach asleep. His back covered in shallow cuts and band aids with blood spots seeping through. Swallowing hard she reached out to run a finger along his un-touched cheek. When he stirred she pulled away as if burned, he didn't wake. Again she reached out and stroked his cheek, then his hair, and then the skin of his back that wasn't marred. After a few times of doing this he finally did come around and just stared at her. "Hi," she whispered, "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened I just..." She rubbed her arms with her hands furiously, as if she was cold. "Please don't be mad at me Jas," she begged biting her lip. He just watched her figit relentlessly before holding his arm out for her to lay beside him. She carefully laid beside him, with his arm wrapped around her waist. She watched as he went back to sleep, facing her. For the rest of the night she just watched him, just watched him sleep soundlessly._

_

* * *

  
_

_That fight wasn't the last. When the summer came the two of them got an apartment together and partied even harder. While she didn't work, Jasper got a job to help with his half of the bills. Her parents sent her an allowance that allowed her the luxury of not having to. But he never questioned her about her parents, she seemed uneasy and uncomfortable when they were mentioned. So out of respect he didn't push it.  
_

_When school started back up again, they kept their little apartment and commuted to campus. They still partied, and Maria slowly introduced Jasper to ways of fun and partying. Somehow Jasper was able to keep up with Maria while at the same time keep up his grades. Maria often declared it was because of his brilliance and her ways of keeping energy supplies on hand. He would just laugh._

_More drugs, more parties, and more alcohol ensued more fights. It usually ended up with Maria some how causing Jasper to end up with blood on him, usually leaving another scar. His back already littered with some from their first major fight, but couldn't be distinguished from the more recent ones. Sometimes Jasper would even fight back, by just restraining her from hurting him or herself. This usually just pissed her off even more. One time she went to the extent of biting his arm, hard. Tearing the skin and cutting deep, but he refused to let her go afraid she was going to hurt herself. Somehow, through the daze he always remained the southern gentlemen he had been raised to be. He also always stayed with her, even after she'd storm out or he would storm out as well. They always came back together. As if thinking things would get better in time._

_But things didn't, they just got harder and crazier. Maria's schooling was suffering, she often was too tired or too messed up to show up to class. Even with Jasper trying to help her, she was barely making it with passing grades. This would lead to more volatile fights. Jasper taking her drugs or alcohol away from her, threatening to toss it and then leave her. She would then fall into a sobbing mess and plead him not to leave her. AFter watching her for a few moments, he would often collapse beside her and gather her in his arms. Trying to console what he had caused with his words or actions. This was their routine. _

_

* * *

  
_

_Jasper's senior year came with little celebration, it was another year in college, another year they were together. The only thing was the year was marked with was Maria's first overdose – with Jasper in her life. Jasper had come from a rather late lecture to find her past out in their tiny bathroom with pills and liquor scattered on the floor. When she failed to respond he rushed her to the hospital where her stomach was pumped and her life on the line. This marked a turning point for Jasper. It was time to end their habits. Maria agreed once she came around and apologized profusely for hurting him. When she was released they decided to get ride of all substances that were harmful and quite partying. Their decision lasted for a few solid months, solid happy months. But Maria, who had lived the hard life for so long eventually wondered back into it. Her parents had called her to tell her that her sister was getting married to a doctor, a brain surgeon to be specific. The conversation didn't last more than 10 minutes but sent her into a spiral of despair. When Jasper's love and devotion couldn't fill the void that was in her, they went to a rave with some friends. There she found someone with heroin and shot it up. She felt happy and free. Few months of doing it, she introduced Jasper to it. Though he didn't like it very much, he occasionally would shot up with her. With heroin came the the liquor and other drugs, everything from before.  
_

_

* * *

  
_

_When Jasper finished his B.A. and started on his masters degree, things became strained once again. Volatile fights and drugs brought back the days of fighting, this time Maria went further than before. When leaving she left and went to another guy and slept with him. Jasper, worried when she didn't return, found her at the guy's apartment, in throws of sex. He just turned around and left without saying a word. Maria chasing after him, but unable to catch his fleeing form. That night she went back to him and begged for forgiveness, pleading him and showering him 'I love you' and promises to change for the better. To become the girl he fell in love with. Not long after that, she over dosed again, this time a friend found her and knew what to do to clean her stomach of the toxins. This lead to Jasper once again trying to make them clean of drugs, and once again Maria agreed and did as promised... for a few months._

_

* * *

  
_

_Nearing the end of his Masters program loomed over them. It caused Maria to be depressed and cling to Jasper even more. She would beg and plead him not to leave her, that she was afraid she'd do something wrong and make him upset or disappoint him. When realizing his program would done soon, she became scared that he'd leave her. In this sudden paranoia, Maria tried to find ways to keep Jasper with her. At first she tried to do things that were good, like clean their apartment. Attempt at cooking, thought failed miserably by almost burning their apartment up. She even got a job at a local bar, and it was good for her. Or that's what Jasper thought. The hours of working late and partying even later started to take a hold on her and she turned to cocaine, Jasper drew the line at that and would out right refuse to do it. He had stopped heroin after only shooting up only a few times. This would cause fights and blaming of why things were wrong.  
_

_

* * *

  
_

_Maria quickly moved from coke to Meth, it was her new favorite and craving. Once again, Jasper would refuse to part take in the festivities. He slowly stopped doing any of the festivities, constantly focusing on working of finish his schooling. His hard work started to pay off, 3 months before his graduation, he got an offer to move to Boston and work as an apprentice under a published and well known Historian. He agreed to it, and decided he'd move to Boston after graduation. When he went to tell Maria he found he having sex with her Meth dealer, this time he made himself known. Throwing the guy out and putting her in their shower with freezing cold water pouring on her. They work her out of her daze, sort of, and began pleading for forgiveness. Jasper just grabbed some books and left her sobbing._

_After her second show of infidelity, things didn't bounce back. Jasper was more clear headed than he had been before and had felt the sting of betrayal more. He hardly talked to her and never touched her, he refused to sleep on their bed, since he found her with her dealer there, and would sleep on the couch. Two weeks before his graduation, he finally gave in and forgave Maria completely. Part of him loved her still. Because of that fact he tried to get to go clean, for good. Not a few month sabbatical. This was asked of Maria right around the time she was informed that her other sister was engaged. This just made Maria go crazy and lashed out on Jasper, this time with a knife in her hand, but her drug and drunk induced body was uncoordinated and only caught Jasper on the arm, nothing major or deep. But blood was spilled, and this made her break down and cry. This time Jasper didn't try to console her. He was tired of the blood and tears.  
_

_

* * *

  
_

_He graduated and left for Boston. He didn't tell Maria._

_

* * *

_

_A.N. - Please review and tell me what you think!  
_


	8. Failed

* * *

Maria, Maria

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of Stephanie Meyer's characters.

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Alice sat quietly taking in Jasper's story. She knew there was more, but something told her that was the bulk of it. Jasper was staring at hands, fidgeting at the awkward silence. "So what happened after that?" She asked quietly interlacing her fingers with his.

"I was happy and clean. I loved the job and I loved Boston, everything was great. A few months after I left New York an old friend of mine and Maria's called me. He said I needed to come and get Maria, she was sick and kept asking for me. She wouldn't let anyone near her, if they did she'd lash out at them. So a few days later, on the weekend I drove here and went and saw her.

She was covered in soars and open gashes, she was weak and could barely move. When she saw me she started sobbing and pleading for me to just hold her." Jasper took is a few shallow breaths, "so I did. I held her for several hours, just letting her cry. I think it was the first time in a long time she was clean, she had no energy to shoot up or pop something. I decided I'd take care of her, so I packed her up and took her to Boston and took care of her. There was this lady in my building who would stay with her while I was working, she'd clean her and care for her. Nurture her. One day I got a call from her, something was wrong with Maria. I left and took her to the hospital. The doctors diagnosed her with advanced stage of AIDS and In stage live disease. Because of the AIDS she wasn't eligible for a organ transplant. When they told me that all I could do was make her comfortable, I decided it was time she went home."

"To Arkansas?"

"Yeah, I called her family ahead of time so they knew to expect us. When we arrived, they wouldn't even touch her. They looked at her like she was a monstrosity. After their doctors confirmed what I had already told them, they set her up in a single room and waited for her to die. It probably wasn't two weeks before she slipped into a coma, and they signed the forms for her to be taken off life support and then left. I then realized why for so long she hurt herself, her family hated her.

I stayed with her until she was pronounced dead by her doctor and then I left. I walked aimlessly for awhile before I called Rosalie, she was in Texas visiting our family. She flew into Little Rock and immediately turned around and flew me to Boston. She took time off of work and stayed with me while I finished my apprenticeship and then got me a job in San Fransisco. I lived with her and Emmett before I found my own place.

She asked me once what had happened, and I told her I didn't want to tell her. I then asked her not ever ask me again. And she has never brought up to since, except when she told me I needed to tell you something before I lost you." He stared at her face and took in everything about her. "She said if I didn't explain something to you or find a way to let go of Maria you would eventually leave or I'd push you away. Guess she was right," he whispered the last part. It hurt to think they had been separated. "I went on with my life, and then I met you that day and felt like there was hope to make right all the wrongs I did in the past. The drugs, alcohol, pulling away from Rosalie, missing her wedding, and failing Maria. I thought that just maybe there was hope for me."

"Jazz, you didn't fail her. You did everything you could do for her, you didn't know what was wrong. You did everything you could for her. Look at me," he did, "you lo

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ved her through and thick and thin. Not many people can say that someone would do that for them, especially with everything you guys were doing and going through. But you did the best thing possible, you didn't let here be alone at her time of need. You could've left and not gone to see her that day, or taken her to care for her yourself. You did more for her than probably anyone ever did. So don't ever say you failed because I don't think you did. Her family failed her, she didn't have Rosalie who would pick up and fly somewhere after years of no contact." Jasper listened tow hat she said and realized she was right. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For telling me. I'm sorry I pushed-"

"No, you weren't in the wrong. I was wrong to let her still be with me when I knew it hurt you. And I will never do that again." Taking in a shaky breath before standing up and walking to where his jacket hung on a chair. "I got this about 2 years ago and have had it ever since. I was going to give it to you on our anniversary, but I kinda messed that up." He tried to joke as he sat back down with her. In his hand was a little squared-tin box with a little latch. Opening the latch Alice gasped. "It was my great -grandmothers." In the box was a beautiful and simple silver ring with a sparkling crystal on top of the band. Alice gasped at it, not sure what to do other than just gasp. "I want you to have it," he said as he took the ring out of the velvet and held it out for.

"Jazz, what does this mean?" She asked in a squeaky voice, with trembling hands she took the ring delicately. The light caught it and rainbows danced on her hands and face.

"Whatever you want it too," he whispered.

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_A.N - A little short, I know. But I found this to be the best stopping point for this chapter. Review and tell me what you think please!

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